So Far…

I wake up palpitating. Decisions, decisions. Funny, I don’t want to run away from this. I want to face it. But not like this. I want to accomplish something first. In saying that, I guess I’ve already decided which reality I want… well, at the moment at least. I just want to make sure that when I come back, I’d be at my best. I just want to find the ‘thing’ I lost along the way. Please, let me accomplish something first. If ever you retire from supporting me, then I’ll find a way. I just have to give this to myself first.

With that said, I guess we’re moving here. I mean, so far I’ve just been such a bum. Had done nothing yet. Earned nothing yet.

I was trying to relieve myself from the stress I got myself into. So what did I do so far? I read some Midori no Hibi manga and played Game Dev Story in my Mother’s Galaxy Tab. Pretty addicting. That game. Hahah. Bad move. Cause last night I was dreaming of having my hair colored green or blue, purple or red. Something extreme. I don’t know. Cause I identify with Midori? Is there a  connection?

Anyway, the only thing that grounds me a bit is my time with Koishii. Makes me smile. Just the other night when we were having dinner in Jollibee, I was fluttering all over the place remembering our first date. This was four years ago and now there we were sitting on the right same spot having a bucket of Chickenjoys, enjoying our time together. ♥

First Date - in our spot. :) We always sit here.

It was marvelous. I remember being so in a hurry that day. He was sending me text messages saying, it’s okay if I can’t come as long as I’d be able to attend our Youth Fellowship that day. Still makes me smile. We won that date from a contest in our Youth Ministry, it was February – thus the activity. I was so hyped that day. Our co-winners at the other table kept asking us if it was okay to go. We couldn’t stop talking. And I couldn’t really eat at my normal ‘slow-as-it-is‘ phase cause he was right in front of me, staring. My cheeks burned. Heheh.

Haay Koishii. He never tires of encouraging and supporting me. ♥  I love you. :>

Anyway, I guess I’ll be off now. I’m gonna give my dog a bath, then me. And afterwards, we’ll see. Maybe I really would go out today and have my hair colored. Bye.

Oh, Joy and I am going to Prayer Mt. tomorrow. So hopefully, I’d be able to loosen up more and write something good and positive soon eh~? :)

MEH~

It’s a continuous struggle. A battle I must address everyday. A surrender I must not fail to make.

Something happened to me.

I’m still not over it. Forgiven but… Can’t get over the but. Can’t get pass the consequences.

And the snowball just keeps rolling.

Oh dear God, what a stubborn child I am. I long for release yet I can’t let myself go. I NEED HELP. Seriously. Is it too late to ask for help? I can’t handle this on my own. Everyone expects me to get by, yeah I know I’m older and I should be wiser, but it has grown with me. I know the drill, but I need someone to talk me through it. Pathetic. But I’m desperate to get over this. I want to help myself but lately it has just been so darn hard to do.

I just keep failing at everything I try to do, since… that.

THIS IS MY HEART. Please don’t judge it. :(

The Outcome

I would like to share to you today the site I finished yesterday. It’s not perfect but I’m happy with it. It is probably the outcome of my frustration with the Web Design Course I failed. The layout of the supposed website I was to pass for Finals was horizontal type, thus what I have done with Pinoy Pao, see screenshot below.

Pinoy Pao Website Screenshot

I didn’t originally plan the Pinoy Pao website to look like this. Personally, now that I’m clear headed I don’t think horizontal layout is good for the content Pinoy Pao holds. IDK. Honestly from the start, I felt the original idea in my head was better but I couldn’t help myself when I was laying it out to settle horizontally. Hahah. Because I really wanted to try making one and it filled the void I felt when I didn’t have the chance to do my project for Finals. But it’s also a sort of ego boost. Heheh. In my head is a stream of “See! I can do it.” Pride much.

I’m really no good with Failure. It takes time for me to accept. But I thank God, because I know I’m getting over things a little faster and I’m handling them a tad more positively. At least, there’s improvement. I know He’s changing me everyday. And He’s healing the wounds that are self-inflicted. It wouldn’t be long… I’ll get much better you’ll see. And it will all be because of Grace.

Oh. If you happen to be reading this, please click the screenshot and look for the like button! :D Don’t forget to share. :) Thank you! <3

Favored

As you might have read in my previous post, I have already accepted defeat and was already mourning for the time that may be lost in the future. But thank God, surprisingly, I was wrong. Yes, I failed, but not to the point that a year may be added to my academic life as I have thought before.

You may say fortunate but this is all God I’m sure. His Grace is written all over it. At times when I start to think hopelessly He goes and shows me otherwise, that He really does favor me — His Child. Even when I fail Him, He’d still take that first step. ♥

I’ve been itching to blog about this for a few days now as I didn’t like the somber tone of my last blog entry. I just wrote it to release. Maybe I should have kept it private, I really want to maintain a positive spirit for this site. Oh well… So here I am, I just wanted to share the Great news! :D I testify His Goodness!

We’ve been pretty busy the past days. I really missed writing again. Well… at least the good news is, although we have a lot of business to take care of in the near future I’m sure I’d be able to write more the coming days cause we’ve been planning to monetize blogs as well. I think I would have to make another blog in Blogger though, cause Ads aren’t allowed in free WordPress Blogs such as my sutblestupor here. Anyway, I had considered Blogger long before because they offer more customization and freedom in terms of design layouts and other things — which is good for budding Multimedia Artists like me. Of course WordPress is wonderful too, it’s just that I need to pay for those same features here wherein there I can get them for free. But don’t worry I have no plans of abandoning this blog, I’d just have to maintain two. I’ll still post here, although I would likely make the other one more commercialized cause I need traffic to successfully monetize it.

So there. More blessings coming soon. I just know. ♥

Be sharing it with you guys so keep visiting here, ‘k? :D

I’m really sleepy. I still want to write but this has been long enough, right? :> I just really can’t wait. I’m so excited to see what God has in store for me. Hihih. ♥ He’s so wonderful, yes? :D

I Accept Defeat?

Ok. Ok. So I gave up.

= = = Do not read this post. It’s just one of my pathetic whims. = = =

No matter how much I rationalize it in my mind, it still hurts.. it’s still painful. But I couldn’t have done anything.. could I?

I’m still trying to convince myself that I’m handling it well. Sort of. I know I’m not. Should have drained every chance before I did give up. Darn hope. Can’t kill it. Hahah. At least I’m not hiding this time. Sulking, but not that much. Heheh. Still a sign of improvement. Makes me smile. But still the sad part is greater, for I’m mourning yet another year of delay. Because the failure very much implies the case: Another year added to my Higher Education. Grr. But I can handle the time. I mean, I’m already in it long enough and I know God is stretching my character. And my life won’t lay stagnant like before after such incidents because I have Filtrep, but what’s painful about this is – I know my capabilities. I’m not boasting or anything but I know I could have done those requirements well or at least above average because I loved doing things like that. And I always give my best. But.. sigh. BASAG.

Anyway, so let me tell you the tale.

By the end of the 4th week of March I caught the flu.. no fever yet at that time. 5th week of March, I already felt a bit feverish but I tried not to give credit to the virus, meaning it went away but I still got the flu. Sniffing and coughing. But other than that I felt fine. Tolerable. I could handle it. I needed to handle it because Finals was fast approaching and I got this unplanned Bora Trip at my back.

FYI, I got a planner and because I knew Finals would be very demanding I already planned for it with allowances allotted, from experience I usually get sick when under much stress thus the allowances. So my plans from the 3rd week of March to the 1st week of April was already written as early as SoMA Week (3rd week of March). I gave myself enough time so I won’t get TOO stressed out until DUN DUN DUN later on that week after I planned, I receive a text from both my father saying he has filed a leave from the 1st of April to the 5th, his birthday, and that we were to leave for Bora.  And note this: If I am not available the trip for the WHOLE family won’t happen at all. Dilemma dilemma. It was finals and most of my subjects’ deadlines were on the 1st week of April. I wanted to cry. An opportunity like that only comes once in a blue moon. You got to understand, my father only comes home during Christmas, New Year and other special reasons, but in short very seldom. And I can’t even remember the last time we went out as a family. I think the last time was when I was still in grade school. Simply put, it was a hard decision. They’d hate me for it if I declined. I thought I could still do it, still had the time. But to my demise, I was wrong. My body couldn’t handle it.

So to continue, 2nd of April, I went to school. Thankfully I still went. It was already finals in my two subjects. After that I was fetched and we went straight to the airport. Then to Bora. Was still sniffing and coughing even after we went back to Manila. The 4th of April, after our plane landed I asked to be brought to school again. It was finals in another subject. ’twas really late when I got home. I was poofed but I needed to be nocturnal because I needed to pass some finals requirement the following day. I wasn’t able to. Nausea was with me at that time. The pressure was on then. Good thing I was given consideration by my Professor but ugh I still needed to rest. So Friday came, I was feeling okay. But I receive this text from my classmate that I need to do another presentation so I hurried to school. We were asked to wait in a confined space. And because of this happening not only once I’m now afraid of confined spaces. Anyway, so when I got home I burned with a fever until Saturday. I was feeling much pressure at this time as all my requirements were due Tuesday and Monday I still got to take my Finals for another subject. By Monday (April 11) I already gave up. It was too late. Haven’t showed up in school since. Hahah.

And that ends my overly dramatic tale of me failing. Hahah. It feels good to get that out of my chest. But I still haven’t cried yet. I need a good cry. >< Need it bad. *cough* I’m really no good with Failure even if I know it is part of life. :| Pero.. uhmm. Happy parin. PAYAMAN PADIN NAMAN. :D :P

Poo in the Sand

Last Saturday, April 2, we departed from Manila to the island of Boracay. Yay! Finally, sosyal nadin ako, nakapunta na ko ng Bora! Hahah. :P

I was a bit reluctant to go though, Finals has been so demanding. And while there, my head kept flying to the things I needed to do. But thank God, some of my professors gave me considerations. Really, thank God. I wouldn’t know what to do, if they did not.

So there.. but I did enjoy our trip. It has been too long since we had that much fun as a family. The trip really made my heart smile in bliss. Heart-warming indeed.

Bora Escapade: A Wonderful Experience

And oh, I got to play Photographer again. :D Olympus E-510 is a joy in bright places like Bora. :> Hihih. But aww it was pretty hard, I only brought one lens and it’s for long-ranged shooting. It sucks for food photography and near-sighted shots. Heheh. Ahhh.. And I don’t have pictures of myself either, my lens didn’t permit it. D:

But still, I loved it. No one tried to hog the camera away from me. Tee hee~ ! :D Bleh! :p

It has been fun fun fun. A good break from the pressures of a Multimedia Arts Student. More pressure though, now that we’re back. :s But really, I just thank God for His faithfulness in my academic and family life. Ho ho ho. :D

Anyway, just a quick update for you guys. <3 Hihih. Will post more soon. Can’t wait for actual vacation! Will be writing more then! :D (About my fetish for cute notebooks.. Hahah.) Who goes to Bora and buys notebooks? Ako lang ata. Hahah. :>

Happy Birthday to my Tatay! :D Thank you for treating us to Bora. We love you! <3

In Defense of…

Last year, a friend of mine’s online activity caught my interest. She was actively tagging friends (in facebook), in pictures she uploaded of products she was selling and supposedly job opportunities available in their company. So out of curiosity, I decided to look up their company and researched about the Marketing Strategy they were using. MLM or Multi-Level Marketing, it was the first time I’ve heard of it. It interested me. But much of what I read mostly contains negative feedback because of its structure.

Eventually, I forgot about it. It wasn’t a concern.

The point is, I did a little bit of research about it back then. And for clarification, I did not join that MLM company my friend was in, although I see there’s something to work with, I personally think I can’t market the products they were selling. I will not mention what they are. Heheh. Anyway, now as a part of FFI and TFD, I face similar opposition and negative assumptions mostly based from hasty generalizations. I understand the criticism but to say straight out that our company is bad without even viewing what we stand for and the principles we go by – is plain skepticism. Sorry. It may be true that some MLM companies around is just a cover for pyramiding but to say that about all MLM companies without proper research is a bit.. well, ignorant.. I suppose.

To further tackle this subject I read more articles about MLM and Network Marketing. I particularly liked this unbiased one: The Real Problem with Network Marketing and Multi-Level Marketing (MLM). It stated almost everything I had in mind in defense of FFI-TFD in particular.

And for the problem posed in that article, FFI-TFD has a more than sufficient answer for that: Training for Business and Financial Literacy for us. You can’t imagine how much you’ll learn from it. OMAY! I’m not even gonna mention in detail why many successful Filipino Christians are involved in FFI-TFD. It’s for you to find out. (Actually, I think I did bring it up on a previous post.)

But as not to sound so peppy or defensive, I’ll end it here. Try researching for yourself as well and check out the company! Maybe I’ll make an entry about the products I personally like (mostly food :) or check it out in the website I’m going to make soon. I’m a bit busy with Finals in school so yeah, don’t have much time for it yet. >< Hahah.